Besides being exhausting, demanding, and draining parenting is by far the funnies thing I’ve ever done. In the vein of having sense of humor about the most important job in the world for which none of us are adequately prepared, here are several stories that happened recently around our house.
One sunny day last week I decided to let the kids have some ice cream after their lunch. Since it was nice outside, we were dining al fresco (if you can really use that phrase in reference to eating with children). Generally when we eat or play outside, Rhett insists on being nude. Boys will be boys. On this particular day he was only wearing shoes. The kid has a thing for shoes. In a moment of wild abandon, and before I could stop him, Rhett took an enormous bite of ice cream. The immediate effects of brain-freeze solicited a slight panic attack during which he spit out huge globs of ice cream which drizzled down his bare tummy and landed in heaps at his feet on the patio. Approximately two seconds after the ice cream was out of his mouth he started to pee. Right on the ice cream which he had just expectorated. He just stood there in his birthday suit with his little blue shoes urinating on his ice cream and staring at it as if it was some spellbinding miracle.
Shep and I were talking about the letter ‘L’ and words that began with that dignified letter. At first I was excited because I thought he was getting it. We were going through your basic la-la-lollipop and la-la-lemon exercises. Then the conversation turned on me,
“Mommy does ‘gun’ start with ‘L’?”
“Do you hear the ‘la’ sound when you say ‘gun’?”
~pondering~ “La-Gun. Yes Mommy! Gun starts with ‘L’!”
I walked into the boys room while they were getting ready for bed and found a little tiny piece of you-know-what on the floor next to the diaper pail. The result of an cloth diapering user-error kerfuffle no doubt. After every bath, Rhett does a nude lap around the house. This frequently results in a pee on the carpet incident. Not a pee on the concrete, or a pee on the wood, but a pee on the carpet. It is for these two reasons that I would like to own a carpet steamer. I feel that carpets in the homes of young boys should be steamed at least twice a year. In fact the more I think about carpet in general the more it grosses me out. Which is why I choose not to think about it.
Last night after the kids had gone to bed, during a conversation about selling snowboards on Craigstlist, Jake said,
“Yes I’ve looked online at other snowboards. I know this won’t make sense to you there’s throw up right there.”
He wasn’t trying to say that he didn’t think throw up would make sense to me, he was about to compare different brands of snowboards and tell me why his should fetch more money on Craigslist than others. But in the middle of his sentence he noticed a little puddle of puke on the (wood) floor of my office that had been there for Lord only knows how long. It is for this reason that I would like to own a steam mop.
One evening while Jake was cooking dinner (yes I know, he’s the best) I was working on a project involving the cutting of large pieces of matboard in the living room with the lights off. Instead of standing up and turning on the lights like a normal person, I turned and called to Shep who was having a snack,
“Shep can you come hold the flashlight for Mommy?”
“I can’t help you right now Mom, I’m eating. I can only be your helper on Sundays.”
He’s four. Where does he come up with this stuff?
Shep came running out yesterday morning in his makeshift pajamas which are size 12-month Santa pants that he nabbed from a pile of baby clothes I was recently organizing. His eyes were still squinty with sleep and his hair was all askew in the cutest little boy way. He came and set next to me by the fire and beheld our little Christmas tree. After a few minutes he turned to me with a straight serious face and said,
“Mommy, I like having our Christmas tree up. Should we get another one?”
I recently read this post by Crappy Pictures about taking a newly potty trained child to the public restroom and laughed my head off. You should read it too.